Title Pending
by Neurobrand
Summary: Premier Story. Keitaro's life kind of sucks. Before he gives into despair, though, he's gonna fight back. Alternate Universe. Crossover.
1. Keitaro's Worst Day

Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'.

Beginning Authors Note: Neurobrand here. I know that doesn't really mean anything now, but I figure if I keep at this, it might someday. This isn't my first story, nor my first fanfiction, but it is my first submission. That is so mostly because I'm insecure. Anyway, this story sprung from the idea, as you probably read, of what the Love Hina series would have been like if Keitaro had come into the picture before all of the crushing disappointments in his life had wrecked his spirit. After some tweaking I came up with this alternate universe story, featuring a more balls'n'bravado Keitaro. You only really get to see for a bit in this chapter because, well, he got pretty messed up. The story, as I see it now, is pretty much heading down the path of silly/serious. I plan on borrowing characters and ideas from others series because this is fanfiction. I'm the Author. I can do that. I hope you can enjoy this.

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Warnings: Adult Language, Graphic Violence, Sexy Stuff

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Chapter One:

Keitaro's Worst Day

-or-

Keitaro Gets Whooped

Keitaro sat slumped against the side of a record store, moping. It was all he could do, really. He'd spent the last of his meager savings on the cold pack that was currently soothing his aching face. Nearby, a plastic bag hissed as it rolled by like a tumbleweed. The pavement was cold and damp.

Keitaro had hardly been more miserable in his short life.

The kicker was that he didn't even really know why his life had recently taken a turn for the shitty. It was like, suddenly, his karma had gone deep into the red and the universe was trying to restore balance.

First, his parents kick him out of the house, after he'd only just returned home, claiming he was a bad influence on his sister. The idea seemed crazy to him-he was always nice to Kanako. When she'd started acting oddly, Keitaro had just figured it was drugs and tried to be even more caring and supportive. Her strange behavior only increased.

After Keitaro was literally (when the young man had made to get his belongings from his room, his father had booted him in the chest, sending him pinwheeling out of the house) kicked out, he'd been forced to walk to Hinata Hotsprings, where his only other family lived. He would have ridden the train, but all but some two-hundred yen had disappeared from his bank account.

It was really his only choice, since he didn't know of any relatives besides his grandmother. He hadn't even seen her in years, so he wasn't exactly sure she was still alive. Desperation led him to try anyway. The ten mile walk wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for what met him at the end.

He remembered very little of his early childhood. Only ghosts of memories. What he DID distinctly remember was sitting in his grandmother's lap while she stroked his hair and told him that she loved him. Keitaro knew that the old woman owned a successful inn in the the Hinata Hotsprings area and hoped that should would let him shack up there for a time, maybe give him a job. She was, to his recollection, a very generous woman and he hadn't thought that would be too much to ask.

Keitaro found out soon after arriving at the inn that he was apparently wrong. He'd let himself in, took his shoes off just inside the entrance, and continued into the inn's interior. The place was quite a bit shabbier looking than he remembered, but he figured that his grandmother just wasn't able to get around like she used to. Aside from the disrepair and the complete lack of staff manning the lobby, it was exactly as he remembered. Keitaro called several times for anyone, but received no answer. He decided to wait in a small sitting room just off from the lobby. There was a pitcher of water and a couple of glasses setting on a low table in front of a large sofa. Keitaro helped himself to a glass and sat, prepared to wait for his relative's return. This proved to be a mistake. No sooner had he begun to moisten his parched throat than a wet girl with reddish hair walked through the room.

Naked.

Keitaro couldn't help the spray of water that shot from his nose as he choked on his drink and the girl couldn't help but turn at the sound of his gurgling breath. Keitaro choked again (not having the presence of mind to take the glass from his mouth at the moment) at the full frontal view.

Keitaro spent the next several minutes admiring the the Hinata District from a bird's eye view. It was mostly an immaculate and beautiful area. Everything was well kept, the streets free of litter, vagrancy was kept to a minimum... except for in the place Keitaro was descending towards.

Keitaro was lucky in that he wasn't inhaling on impact. He was unlucky in that, when he touched down in the filthiest dumpster he'd ever seen, all of the air was forced from his lungs and he would be forced to breath in shortly after. The dumpster was really a mixed blessing (though Keitaro would argue at the term "blessing" being applied). On the one hand, the sizable container was full to overflowing and everything in it was soft, lending some cushion to the young man's landing. On the other- well, the dumpster was full to overflowing and everything in it was... soft.

Keitaro was understandably disoriented when he managed to dig his way to the surface through eight feet of refuse, having steadfastly refused to open his mouth or use his nostrils while submerged, and flubbed the landing when he hoisted himself to freedom. He ended up flipping head over heels, bypassing heels, and landing squarely on his ass. It was not one of his prouder moments.

The unwilling dumpster-diver lifted himself to his feet and was disgusted to find some unidentifiable substance squishing between his toes. The barbaric girl at the inn had knocked his socks off. It figured. He was just surprised his glasses hadn't fallen off or been broken. Keitaro stumbled around to the front of the building he'd landed behind, bypassing an old man who'd come back to investigate the racket Keitaro had made upon landing, and made his way to the convenience store across the street. The last of his money passed to the disgruntled (Keitaro didn't know if she was always that way or if it was just him) clerk's hands, and Keitaro exited again, attempting to sooth his jaw. A nearby streetlight was the only respite he could find from the encroaching night chill.

So it was.

Keitaro sat on a spot of pavement that seemed to have the least broken glass on it and leaned against a wall. He didn't even try to get the muck off of himself, let alone lick his wounds (literally or figuratively). Too much misfortune for one day and his spirit was almost broken.

It was with a start that Keitaro became aware of a tussle at the other entrance of the alley he occupied. The light was dim, but the young man could just make out four toughs hassling a couple of girls in fuku. He considered ignoring the situation for a second, until the girls began to scream-

"Su, don't!"

"You let Shinobu go!"CHOMP.

-and bite. Then Aggressiveness (backed up by Decency) took over. Keitaro forced himself to his feet, ran his hands through his slimy hair until they rested casually on the back of his head, and began to approach the group. He ignored the ice-pack, his only material possession, when it fell to the pavement and burst. As he neared, he idly noticed that the thugs were all dressed rather sharply in black suits, but put the thought aside.

"Well, boys, it looks like we've got a biter here," One thug with long, slicked back hair began, flexing the hand one of the girls had bitten and addressing his comrades, "we'll just have to break her of that habit, won't we?" The other thugs chuckled at that (for a reason that escaped Keitaro, though it could have been that the guy looked like Vincent from Pulp Fiction, what a tool) and the thug holding the biter tightened his grip in response to her struggling.

"I'll just have to teach this little dish a lesson in manners," Vincent continued, raising his hand to strike the girl. "Lesson one is-"

"What's THIS racket, huh?," Keitaro cut in. "You asses interrupted my pity-party right when it was gettin' into full swing. When I can't get my emo moments out, I tend to get a might disagreeable."

All motion in the group ahead of him ceased for a beat, before Vincent lowered his hand and stepped away from the group towards the still approaching Keitaro.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll turn around and leave right now. This has nothing to do with you unless you involve yourself," Vincent said, straightening his tie. "Just turn around now and we'll all be happier, won't we boys?"

"That's right," a bald thug said, stepping forward until his was should-to-shoulder with Vincent, effectively cutting the two girls and the remaining toughs off from Keitaro's sight. "Your back is the only part of you we want to see right now."

"Wanna ogle the goods, doncha? You an' yer bum-buddies sure do have odd tastes. Filthy young men an' school-girls, eh? What would yer mamas think?," Keitaro said, halting his approach a couple of meters in front of Vincent and Baldy.

Cue-ball made to step forward, but was stopped by Vincent's outstretched arm. Vincent's other arm reached into his jacket and pulled out a black cylinder. A flick of the wrist caused the object to telescope into a baton.

"You don't know who you're messing with, boy, but if you did you'd be afraid," Vincent said. "We belong to a power-"

"Blah, blah, blah. Just let the girls go an' I won' have ta beat on ya TOO bad."

"You're just one man-just one BOY. We're willing to be lenient and let you go. How do you profit from letting us hurt you?," Cue-ball growled.

"Big words. Words all you fairies got? No? Then, bring it."

"Don't start things you can't finish, boy," Vincent said. "We could kill you and rape the girls and it would mean nothing to us. We-"

"Bring it," Keitaro interrupted again, beginning to form a rather vicious smirk. "I don' wanna waste all night jawin' with you turds, so bring it. It's like yer hair-challenged 'partner' said, I'm jus' one BOY."

Vincent seemed to sigh to himself, before lowering the arm restraining his friend and brandishing his baton. Cue-ball took out his own baton. They both charged. Keitaro's smirk widened. A good scrap always raised his spirits, and he could tell this would be a good one.

Just before the thugs got close enough to strike him, Keitaro's hand finally pulled out of his hair and whipped out, slinging dumpster gunk into their eyes. The toughs staggered back, trying to scrape the filth off their faces.

Minutes later, the fight was over and all of the thugs, showing various wounds from their fight, lay unconscious.

Keitaro staggered tiredly towards where the girls were standing, just outside of the alley. The scrap had taken a bit more out of him than he'd expected. His hands shook and he guessed it was from the adrenaline. The girls stared at him, apparently stricken dumb from shock.

"Wha'chu girls still doin' here?"

The girl that'd bitten Vincent, who Keitaro now noticed was very tan and very blond, shook herself, then nudged the other girl, whose skin was pale and hair was dark blue.

"We-well, we-we just-," The blue haired girl began.

Her companion took up where the other girl was unable and nearly shouted, "We were gonna watch those bullies beat you up, but then you beat them up instead!"

Keitaro couldn't really begrudge them that, he'd watched many fights just to see someone get their ass handed to them. "Whatever. You live 'round here?"

"No, uh-," The blunette fished for his name.

"Keitaro."

"No, Keitaro-san, we live on the other side of the district."

"Huh, well I'm not gonna be escortin' you two all over, I'm beat, so I'll just take ya to a place you can make a phone call from or stay the night at."

Keitaro was rather disappointed in the two for not immediately giving protest, considering what had almost happened, but just assumed the ordeal had addled them somewhat. He took both of their hands, causing the blue haired girl to blush and the blond to jump on his back. Neither took notice of the dirt and slime that still covered him. He turned towards the Hinata-Sou and started trudging, taking the blond with him by default and leading the other girl by small tugs on her hand.

"Where we goin', Keitaro?" The blond girl asked as soon as they started moving.

"My gramma owns an inn around here. I haven't seen 'er in awhile, but I'm sure she'll let ya stay when I tell 'er what happened."

"Cool!"

"Are you okay, Keitaro-san? One of those men shot you in the chest!," The blunette spoke from the end of his arm.

"And in the face! I saw it!," The blond added from right beside his ear.

"Sure I'm fine. It'll take more'n that ta take me out," Keitaro said and grinned over his shoulder at the timid seeming girl.

Keitaro was thankful that Hinata wasn't a very large district, because he could feel his energy waning. The walk was filled with good-natured heckling from the blond girl, who was called Su, and indignant responses from the blunette called Shinobu. All the while Keitaro distracted himself from how drained he was getting by listening to the byplay and occasionally ribbing the girls himself.

The stone stairs leading to his grandmother's in, when they finally reached them, seemed to stretch upward forever to Keitaro, and black was creeping in to the edges of his vision at an alarming rate.

Alarming...

He was having trouble breathing...

There was something viscous and wet in his mouth...

"K-Keitaro!" Shinobu. Keitaro turned his head towards her. She looked worried, scared even. "Su asked you if you feel okay, do you?"

Keitaro turned his head the other way. Su's face was very near to his own and he thought she might be trying to kiss him... but her lips were moving. All he heard from that side was a dull roar. She looked somewhat frightened herself. He turned fully towards Shinobu. She appeared to gasp while taking a step away from him, pulling free her hand. She pointed towards his face while covering her mouth.

"Please get off of me, Su," Keitaro said and leaned back. His own voice sounded muffled. She slid off of his back easily. Keitaro took an unsteady step back, getting them both in his line of sight, then reached a quivering hand towards his cheek.

It FELT okay...

He brought the hand before his eyes. It was stained red. He put the hand back on his face... and felt teeth. He looked back at the girls. Shinobu appeared to be sobbing and Su had a lost look. Su's shirt was covered in red.

Keitaro realized that he hadn't drawn breath in some time, and inhaled desperately, trying to fend off the black covering his eyes. He gurgled, then coughed a spray of red. It didn't make sense to him. He felt his chest, slowly, carefully.

Nothing.

Nothing.

No-a hole. He stuck his finger in without thinking, then choked trying to gasp as pain shot through his chest.

A woman, brown hair, cigarette, nice body, real babe. She had... the name escaped him-the blue haired girl's shoulders in her hands. Both girl's lips were moving very quickly without sound, there was some pointing, the woman looked between the girl and himself. Behind them...

It was his grandmother's inn!

Keitaro staggered towards the stairs. He'd almost made it when he suddenly pitched forward.

The unique sensation of a stone step destroying his nose put some awareness back into him. He rolled onto his back and regretted it as soon as he did. Something was really wrong back there and it HURT.

Keitaro couldn't breath.

The woman appeared at the end of his tunnel, sans cigarette and looking cool as a cucumber. Keitaro reached towards her with all of his strength, hoping to cop a feel before what he dimly realized was his death.

Then she was kissing him.

Then it was black.

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Ending Authors Note: Whew. I enjoyed writing that, but it's just after two in the morning right now. I'm beat. Hope you enjoyed reading it. I read these little messages all the time, but have never replied to them, but I hope that you can be a better person than me: I really would like to beta my stuff before it gets released. If you can't do it out of the goodness of your heart, you can do it for the prestige of getting to be the VERY FIRST to read this temporarily unknown authors magnificent work before release to the general public. How's that sound, huh? Tempted? I know you are, I don't even need to ask. Anyway, next chapter: Keitaro wakes up in a love hotel with a strange girl. Stay tuned... and stuff.

Oh, and reviewing would be appreciated.


	2. The Succubus

Disclaimer: Don't own nothin'.

Beginning Authors Note: Most who read the previous installment will be disappoint (maybe) that NONE of the events I'd promised in the preview of this chapter happened. At all. Not that they won't next time, just that they didn't THIS time. The person who beta'd this chapter (I hesitate to call him MY beta because he's only done one chapter for me and that's not nearly enough to claim ownership on) posed a question that I reckon deserves answering. Yes, the other Hina girls will be in the story. Probably next chapter.

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Warnings: Adult Language, Graphic Violence, Sexy Stuff

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Chapter Two:

The Succubus

-or-

Why Keitaro Is A Badass

"Fuck me!"

Consciousness hit Keitaro like a taser to the nuts. He bolted up with a gasp and a groaned curse. Tactile examination determined that nothing was damaged downstairs, followed immediately by visual confirmation.

A slender arm wrapped around Keitaro's chest and coaxed him onto to his back. A face nuzzled into his neck as a dainty, feminine hand ran over his chest.

"I thought it would take a bit more convincing to get to the good stuff, handsome," A whisper carried on a puff of breath and followed by a warm, wet intrusion into Keitaro's ear. He didn't know if the tongue was pleasant or unpleasant, but he did know that it was pretty sexy. "but if you're ready, I'm willing."

Keitaro kept his face placid. Inside, however, he was doing cartwheels. He'd been anticipating this moment since he'd learned what sex was, and was in no way sad to know that his virginity would soon be leaving him. He couldn't help but think that he deserved to have SOME good in his life that wasn't mixed with bad. As far as Keitaro was concerned, which was pretty far, unless the woman next to him had a penis or tentacles or something, nothing could go wrong with this situation. He rolled towards her and threw his arm over her in the same motion, then pulled her flush against him. He dove in for a kiss, paying only enough attention to slide some hair out of her face. The woman groaned and ran a hand down his torso to his groin, where she began to fondle him quite vigorously.

'I feel a great disturbance in my Force,' Keitaro thought. Something was very wrong. By all rights he should have been ready and raring, but... nothing. Reluctantly, and with a frustrated grunt, Keitaro pulled away to examine himself. Externally nothing was out of place besides the lack of reaction. He looked away from Li'l K' and the hand that was still diligently at work to the woman it belonged to.

Red hair. Perky nose. Nice chest.

An image of a flying fist powered by righteous fury flashed before his eyes. Keitaro recoiled violently, rolled off an odd angle in the mattress he and the woman were laying on (sparing a moment to be thankful she hadn't had a stronger grip on him), and hit the shag-carpeted floor with a heavy expulsion of air.

"NOOOOO!," he moaned piteously. He scrubbed his face with his hands. "This has ta be a dream. A nightmare! The most humiliating nightmare I ever had... It's not bad enough that I was in bed with that-that maniacal, misandric TART, but I can't even show 'er what-for! I'm impotent! Oh, please kill me. Please!" He ended his rant with a cry to the mirrored ceiling.

"Too late for that, honey," a smoky voice from the bed stated with some humour. "I'll excuse the tart comment because you reacted badly to the body I had on." Replacing the strumpet from the inn was a curvy, buxom girl with wavy violet hair and bright orange eyes. Her full lips were spread in an oddly open and friendly smile. She was sitting with her feet together and her knees apart. From where Keitaro was kneeling, right at crotch level, he could tell that the carpet matched the drapes. "Don't worry about your rather... sizable problem," she winked. "It WILL wear off eventually."

"Just what's goin' on here?," Keitaro asked. He settled into a more comfortable position on the floor, still keeping his distance from the cute girl who was a monster earlier, and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn't bother preserving his modesty in front of the similarly dressed girl. "Where am I? Why'm I naked? Who're you? Who decorated this place?," Keitaro growled the last part almost under his breath and stared the girl on the bed down, trying to force honesty by will alone. The girl giggled in a way that made some interesting parts of her body temporarily go into motion. The jiggle-giggle almost warranted a blush from Keitaro, but he kept his blood down and continued to stare.

"Hmm... In order:," the girl began, affecting a pompous air. "I was TRYING to have some fun with you before you freaked out. Jump your bones, doncha know," the friendly smile reappeared. Keitaro internally added cute-points to her tally and continued to attempt to divine truth with a look. "This place," she said and gestured to the room at large. "This is your Afterlife!"

Keitaro's expression transformed from piercing to incredulous instantly, provoking another jiggle-giggle from the girl.

"No fuckin' way," he said. "I ain't been to church in long-ass time, but there ain't no way that Heaven could be a-a love motel! I woulda remembered THAT!"

"You're right, but I can prove that this is your Afterlife. Watch this," that said, the purple haired girl flopped towards the edge of the bed, which Keitaro now realized was heart shaped, and started rummaging around in a side-table drawer. Keitaro chose to keep his skepticism to himself and instead checked out her excellent backside in its reflection on the ceiling. Soon the girl came up with a TV remote, which she pointed over his head. The naked young man turned around in time to see several young men and women in what appeared to be a grimy apartment, naked and rutting in all sorts of uncomfortable looking positions. A second later the channel was switched to snow.

Keitaro looked over his shoulder and saw the girl looking uncomfortable for the first time. She was blushing and rubbing her neck self-consciously.

"Whoops, eh-heh. I got a little bored waiting for you and...," she trailed off, then cleared her throat. "Well, uh, anyway, watch THIS."

Keitaro turned back around. The snow persisted for a few seconds then was replaced with a blue screen with a white triangle in the upper-left corner. That was, in turn, replaced with a title screen reading "YOUR LIFE" in plain block-letters. Next was a screen that said "Part ONE: Early Childhood", followed by more snow.

"What's this?"

"Wait a sec, the tape's messed up. Some parts don't play and there's no sound anywhere. I'll fast forward to the first good part."

The first good part, such as it was, immediately filled Keitaro with immense pride in himself. It was a scene featuring what he recognized as himself as a young boy being kissed on either cheek by two little girls in a sandbox. Keitaro recognized himself so easily because of feature that had caused him no end of grief throughout life. Even back then Keitaro seemed to have a thousand cowlicks, all sending his hair in different directions. He looked a like he'd been hung upside-down, hair-sprayed, then righted. When he was small it bothered him a bit when the other kids made fun of him. When he'd gotten older, it just bothered him that, unless his hair was very long or very short, wearing hats actually caused his scalp pain. Older Keitaro had longer hair at that moment.

"You were quite the little player, huh? Cute too." Keitaro jumped upon hearing the voice coming from right beside him. The girl had somehow sat next to him and actually started leaning on him without his notice.

"Uh, sure. Fast forward s'more," he said. He'd decided to just accept that he was dead and was watching a bad cassette recording of his life with a naked chick, at least until shown otherwise. It could have been some sort of elaborate prank or maybe a hidden camera show. Whatever it was, he figured it would be best to just go along with it.

The next scene had Keitaro, looking around five or six, dressed in a miniature kimono and hakama standing atop some monkey-bars and looking imperiously down on nearly a hundred other children, all prostrate before him.

"I remember that! I'd read some cheesy samurai manga an' decided that I should start a revolution an' become daimyo. Even I was surprised how easy it was ta convince the other kids ta be my subordinates. I got in a lot o' trouble for that. Fast forward s'more."

Next was an older man throwing Young Keitaro around a small yard.

"That's my dad tryin' ta teach me the family style. Didn't work too well. Keep goin'."

A young girl with black hair was throwing Keitaro around much as the man had.

"My sister didn't have any more luck. Again."

A frowning teenage girl in white kimono and red hakama was beating Young Keitaro, now nine or ten, quite severely with a bokken.

"When my sister couldn't beat martial arts into me, my folks shipped me of ta this sword school in Kyoto. That didn't really help much, I had trouble with that too. Couldn't get into the right frame o' mind."

"You didn't ever cry, did you?"

"'Course not. I had brass ones even back then. Watch this, I'm 'bout ta spit right in that girl's face."

The girl stopped hitting Young Keitaro, bowed, then reluctantly stuck a hand out to help him to his feet. A glob of blood and saliva with a tooth in it struck her in the cheek. The girl shook in rage for just moment, before visibly taking a deep breath and stalking away.

"Go forward a bit more... stop. This is the first fight I ever won."

A smaller, younger version of the other girl was taking her turn at hitting Young Keitaro. By the look on the two children's faces, the girl was also taunting Young Keitaro.

"I think she's sayin' somethin' about how my parents didn't want me, so they sold me to the school. Breedin' stock or somethin' like that. I don't really remember."

A few more hits and Young Keitaro got fed up. He discarded his own practice sword in order to catch the next blow in one hand. He shoved forward, causing the hilt end of the stick to strike his opponents stomach, used her disorientation to reverse his grip, then pushed up and forward, striking the girl in the solar plexus with her own weapon. She onto her rump, cradling her chest and crying a little bit. Young Keitaro looked immensely satisfied.

"Go forward a whole bunch now, almost ta the end... a bit more... there! Man, that was awesome."

On screen a Keitaro, looking almost identical to the Keitaro watching except for wearing clothes, was... wrestling a bear. The bear had its forepaws on Keitaro's shoulders and looked to be leaning heavily on the young man. He resisted for several seconds, futilely trying to shake the huge beast off. When that tactic proved useless, Keitaro braced one foot before shooting the other out, hitting the bear square in the groin. The animal immediately rolled off of Keitaro and onto its back. The young man jumped onto the bear's chest and started punching it in the snout. This apparently annoyed the bear. It wrapped its forelegs around Keitaro then rolled over onto him. The bear looked smug as it slowly adjusted its hold on Keitaro so that it had one huge paw on his chest and the other on the side of the struggling young man's head.

"Is this where you died?"

"Hell nah, watch this."

From under the bear a hand appeared, followed by an arm, and latched onto the living death machine's throat. A second passed without reaction from the beast. Then it started rocking between its front and back feet, trying to crush Keitaro even faster. The hand held firm though and even tightened, if the tendons raising up on the forearm were anything to judge by. The bear began to become desperate in its movements, while the hand held steadfast on its neck. Ten minutes passed before the bear quit being a bear and started being a bear's corpse. Near the end it had even tried pulling itself away. It only ended up dragging Keitaro, with one side of his face turned into a giant bruise, with it. It was actually a bit anticlimatic, how the bear died. There was no roaring or mauling. It just sort of fell over and stopped moving. Even when that happened, Keitaro maintained his grip.

"Did you strangle that monster to death?"

"Oh yeah," Keitaro smirked physically and vocally.

"One handed?"

"Oh yeah," Keitaro's ego was practically a physical presence in the room. "The trip down mem'ry lane was pleasant an' all, but you haven't answered my other question yet. Who ARE you, an'... hey! When'd ya get in my lap?" It was a more than a little unnerving the way the girl was invading his personal space without his knowledge.

"Hmm...," the girl said striking a thinking pose and leaning more deeply into his chest. "I guess that you could say that I'm all of your lusts, given shape and life. You won a raffle when you died, so now you get to spend the rest of eternity... with ME!" The girl gave him her friendly smile again.

"That's fine an' all, but what's yer name?"

The physical-manifestation-of-Keitaro's-carnal-desires said something. Her lips moved and Keitaro heard something, but he couldn't seem to register it.

"Say again?"

"It's no use. Your ears are still too use to mortal sounds. How about you call me... Roxanne. You know, like that Police song."

"Ya wanna have the same name as some fictional hooker? Why?," Keitaro asked. Normally he would have just shrugged and gone along, but he seemed to be having some trouble keep his lips zipped with her sitting on him.

Roxanne shrugged for him and said simply, "I like that song." A moment passed in silence before the viol-ette sprung off of him in an extremely distracting fashion. "C'mon downstairs with me. I've got someone that you should meet. When you do, everything will make a little more sense."

"We can't leave the room, we aren't wearing any clothes-"

"Yes we are."

"-and I don't think that nudists are welcome in Heaven... what?," Keitaro stopped, confused, when what Roxanne said and what he was suddenly seeing and feeling registered.

Roxanne, who Keitaro had only seen naked up to that point, was now wearing a fuku several sizes too small. Keitaro now had on... a pair of extremely comfortable boxers covered with hearts the exact same bright pink as the room's bed. Keeping his composure now that no one was in his space, Keitaro said nothing, only grunting. Roxanne jiggle-giggled in a way that took full advantage of the tight uniform she was nearly bursting out of.

The room's door led directly to the top of a flight of dingy stairs. The stairs descended only one floor to an open doorway filled with dim light. Roxanne grabbed Keitaro's hand and bounced down the stairs, pulling him after her. The room at the bottom was fairly nondescript, as far as small pubs went. All of the chairs in the room were setting upturned on the various tables and counters. The pub's light was coming from a single fluorescent light hanging over the bar, behind which a man in a white suit was dry-wiping a glass.

Roxanne directed Keitaro over to the man. Keitaro cold practically FEEL her excitement building, while he himself was fishing for a memory. The man looked really familiar...

"Keitaro," Roxanne began. The bartender simply looked on with amusement, never ceasing to clean the glass. "I'd like you to meet-"

The memory came to him then. White suit. Bowtie. Goatee. The connection were made.

"Lucifer," She finished.

"Colonel Sanders?," Keitaro queried at the same time.

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Ending Authors Note: Man, all in one sitting. I'm beat. Pardon any mistakes (better yet, tell me about them), but this ones kind of rough. I'd like to thank the reviewers that have graced me thus far and any that might in the future. Did that ending throw you for a loop? It's actually the joke this entire chapter was based on. Whatever.

Again, critique and reviews appreciated.

Keep on truckin',

Neurobrand, out.


End file.
